Beware the Guru Healer: 10 Caring Principles to Empower Your Self Healing
Posted: Tuesday, August 04, 2009
by Malcolm Dayton, LPC, CHt
FULLIVING Wellness Coaching & Counseling
If you are facing the daily trials of chronic illness, you have likely sought third person healthcare providers to assist in relieving your more difficult experiences; obviously a physician, maybe a specialist, a chiropractor, a rehabilitative therapist, health coach, or others. Most likely as well, you've already run in to your share of snake oil salesmen touting all types of potions, treatments and healing programs the internet is afloat with them. As such, I would like to highlight a few crucial principles for you to keep readily accessible in your self healing toolbox..
Pay particular attention to whether you feel you are being heard or not! Remember at all times, any health and wellness professional worth his/her salt will, first and foremost, be (not just a good listener), but a caring listener: That is the single most important skill that anyone can share with you if they are to truly be of benefit to you heartfelt (i.e., sincere) caring . So, if you feel you are not being given that fundamental courtesy, seek assistance elsewhere . . . with no turning back.
As an example, my primary care physician referred me to a specialist who I followed-up with twice. Both times, my wait was over an hour, after which I was granted a 3 minute audience in which she read out my blood test results & handed me a new prescription; then off to the payment desk for me. No questions. No discussion. When I gave this feedback to my primary care provider after he inquired of his other patients' experiences with her he changed his referral to a different, more responsive specialist. Remember, you are a human being: Never accept being herded! Your Whole Self is being provided for, not your lab results.
Just how can you tell if someone is heartfelt? First they will give you their time to understand you their time is as important as their best educated resources from which they draw to provide service to you. They will also ask you questions of your experience from within. As I said above, they will actively strive to hear you as a unique individual worthy of being honored.
Obviously, be aware of potential conflicts of interest or ulterior motives: If there is substantial money to be made on your assent to services, pay heed before you pay cash.
Please understand, I am not saying everyone trying to sell you a high cost healthcare service is not sincere nor caring; in fact, I would venture to say just the opposite that most professionals I've met over the course of my clinical journey are sincere and caring individuals. Indeed, it is precisely those qualities which allow them to serve you at a high level in spite of the day-to-day intensity of their clients' difficulties. I am just encouraging you to be above naivete when seeking assistance from anyone trying to sell you anything (whether medical, financial, or to cover the roof of your home).
One of the acquired traits (of those of us who have experienced chronic illness for some time) is a deep sense of trust in healthcare providers. Consider how many times you have allowed a perfect stranger to stick you with a needle, poke you, or position you in order to provide the best care. Consider the injections and medications you've taken, yet may not be able to explain why that specific one was chosen nor how it acts in the body; and, all because you've entrusted a caring professional to deliver his/her best care to you. Now stop to recall the ultimate trust, the faith, you have given over to an anesthesiologist or surgeon someone you've most likely never even met before or, perhaps, once at best..
These are no small acts of trust! You have literally given-over your life to others, most likely on multiple occasions. That in itself is a remarkable quality about you! Be clear also, however, that because of your trusting nature, it is crucially important for you to know in your gut the gift of your trust is truly warranted! If something just doesn't feel right(even if you can't put it into words), you probably are right, and for good reason. Seek other opinions.
Pay attention to the fact that a professional healthcare provider's primary role is to assist you to be more SELF-reliant & /or more capable. Service begins with an end in sight. You should be able to measure your progress, relief or growth over a reasonable period of time (e.g., weeks or a few months). Look at services as you would a raft to assist you across a river: Once at the other side, the raft is of no further use yet, you may certainly re-purpose the materials for additional use. Remember, seemingly never-ending service is no service at all!
Before signing on for any program or service, spend time openly discussing your desired goals and measurable endpoints. Get clear on exactly how progress will be measured (e.g., perhaps some change on a 0 to 10 scale). Certainly, your progress will depend on your input and active participation, but don't let that be an excuse to relieve your service provider of his/her responsibility. In fact, one of the measures I discuss with my clients at length is: You can only be responsible to the degree you are response-able; and we explore new response-able skills that would be helpful for you to acquire. Achieving new response-abilities (i.e., practical, applied skills) can be a very good measure of your progress. Seek enhanced (and measurable) response-abilities.
Finally, go into any service relationship with the awareness that this is indeed a relationship! As such, before you begin, take a reading of your sense-of-self, your self-confidence (perhaps on a 0 to 10 scale). If during service provision, you notice your sense-of-self declining, waste no time in discussing this with your service provider; perhaps even address his/her response with someone outside the relationship who you already trust.. Remember, you are hiring services: The service provider is your employee! That means s/he is to serve you toward some measure of feeling/doing better, preferably sooner than later. That is done through the quality of relationship you have together. Take notice how you feel as you relate to one another.
Therefore before going into a contracted service with a healthcare provider, keep in mind:
1. You are your own best guru (particularly concerning your health and well-being);
2. A sincere provider will listen with caring and give you his/her time to fully hear you;
3. Your Whole-Self is being cared for (not just test results);
4. Be above naivete regarding what's in it for this provider? (i.e., pay heed before you pay cash);
5. Your ability to trust is a precious gift respect it as such;
6. Listen to your gut intuitions for the valid communications they do provide you;
7. Discuss the end of service before beginning it (e.g., goals, desired results), and remember, never-ending service is no service at all;
8. Discuss how these end points will be measured (e.g., your improved response-ability);
9. The service provider is your employee get second and third opinions as needed to honor your Self;
10. Your empowered sense of Self is one of the most important measures of the quality of your relationship honor your Self first!
I trust the above has provided you some new awakenings regarding your healthcare relationships and provider response-abilities. These 10 principles will serve you well as you move through the maze of your health and wellness care. If you have any questions or feedback, please feel free to contact me at : mdayton@CoachingSelfHealing.com
Do take very good care of your health and wellness.
Caringly,
Malcolm
2009MFDayton,LPC,CHt
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